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In an effort to clear the NHS backlog,

and it having been confirmed that although laughter is not the best medicine,

it is still slightly better than homeopathy,

this episode of the news quiz can be used instead of the following medical procedures.

A knee replacement, a cheeky little blast on the defibrillator, and childbirth.

You have chosen C, childbirth.

Push, push, here it comes. Congratulations.

You've got yourself a beautiful bouncing new episode of the news quiz.

Hello, and welcome to the news quiz.

I am Andy Zoltzman. Don't forget if you want an illuminated transcript of this show.

Please send a stamp to dress Medieval Monk to BBC Broadcasting House.

For the zone quiz, please, we're not a charity.

It's time to meet our teams for this week, and in a new feature on the news quiz,

we're letting our listeners choose the team names.

This week, a Gavin from Westminster has written in with this suggestion.

I love sport, so I would like the teams named after two of my favourite sport stars.

How about Team Second Row Footballer Marco Ratoje,

versus Team Manchester United Rugby International Maris Ichford?

Those are the mental suggestions, Gavin,

joining me to help shove the still-twitching entrails of the week's news into the sausage skin of satire.

On Team Ratoje, it's Olga Koch and Scott Bennett.

...