Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about how to navigate through Valentine's Day.

Candy hearts, teddy bears, bouquets of flowers, and cards expressing undying love.

Yep, it's Valentine's Day.

Some people love the sentimentality of it all.

Others hate it, thinking it's just another commercialized holiday.

But whether you love it or hate it, when you're in a relationship, February 14th could be a bit of a

mindfield. So how do you approach this? First, figure out what kind of Valentine's Day couple you are.

Do one of you absolutely love the holiday? And the other hates it? Or maybe you both feel

kind of meh about it. And if you even give each other a card, that's a big

deal. Or maybe you're both really enthusiastic about the holiday, and go for it big time. Dinner out,

carts and flowers, the works. Or maybe you really don't even know how your partner feels about the day,

because you've never asked. Whatever category you fall in, it's a good idea to sit down with

your partner and share your thoughts about Valentine's Day. How you would, or would not,

like to celebrate it. What would be meaningful to you and why? Then find out how your partner prefers

you to show your affection to them. Candy and flowers? A night out? None of the above? And don't just

assume because they once hated Valentine's Day they still do. People change over time. And maybe they

need some extra attention this year. You won't know until you ask.

Also, be sure to have this conversation before the 14th. Otherwise, you may end up having

mismatched or unspoken expectations, causing hurt feelings or anger. That said, if you and your

partner would like to celebrate, even in a small way,

here's some do's and don'ts to help you through the day. Let your partner know that you're thinking

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