I want to begin with the sort of core essence of anxious attachment.

What is actually at the core of this attachment style?

And at the very center of it is a very simple notion.

And that notion or that belief or that physical experience that people have who have anxious attachment is I'm not okay unless you're okay.

Or I need you to be okay in order for me to feel okay. Right. So there's this dependency that has emerged for the

anxious person that says, I need to make sure. I'm constantly hypervigilant on you, how you're

feeling, what you're thinking, what you're doing, how you're relating to me, and how you're doing will predicate and

dictate how I'm doing. Now, as we are going to talk about, as you're going to discover,

this essence, this core of attachment is developed early on in life. And there's a lot of different factors that can play

into a person's development of anxious attachment. But at the very essence of it, what I want you to

take is that for the anxious person, their needs, their wants, their desires, their sense of safety even, are always secondary to someone

else's. They've been trained in childhood, they've gone through experiences that have led them to

believe that my desires, needs, and wants are secondary to yours, and the only way for me to get mind met

are to make sure that you're getting yours met. So there's this very hypervigilant,

external focus that can happen. Again, their sense of safety, their well-being, their sense

of worth and value can also be externally dependent.

And again, like I said, this is very much a learned behavior and is usually something that

is sometimes witnessed in a parent.

So that person may have seen this behavior played out in a parent.

They maybe were raised to do so like a child having to parent their parent in some way.

So constantly having to caretake one of their parents in order to make sure that their safety

as a child or their needs as a child could be met, but it was always on the other side of

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