Naive Boyfriends, Ex Dreams, and Butler Syndrome

Psychology In Seattle Podcast

Kirk Honda

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 26 September 2025

⏱️ 39 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Bobisode! Dr Kirk and Bob answer patron emails.

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September 26, 2025

The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®

Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	So Bob, let's just do a quick episode. There are some emails I want to get into. What do you say? Yep.
0:05.5	Anonymous super long-term middle tier patron from Oregon. She says, hi, Dr. Kirk and Bob. I've recently
0:10.0	started a relationship with one of my best friends of six years, and it's been going extremely well.
0:15.6	Recently started a relationship, so romantic relationship, I assume, with one of my best friends of six years, and it's going really well. All the loving feelings are there. We both care deeply about one
0:25.9	another and know each other super well. Just chiming in, yeah, it's kind of nice, right? Your best
0:31.5	friends, and then boo. The only thing is, at 31, he's only had one relationship that lasted
0:37.3	a little over a year in the past.
0:40.9	Chiming in, meaning that he doesn't have a lot of experience in long-term intimate relationships.
0:46.8	Chiming in, neither did I.
0:51.2	I think this has contributed to some emotional selfishness, which triggers me into a mode of becoming argumentative and emotionally detached.
0:59.7	Is there a way to speed up the process of getting to a place of understanding how to be in a relationship?
1:05.6	Considering what someone is saying and why they're saying it more deeply than you would have before, recognizing when a
1:13.2	partner needs emotional support and how to deliver it. Oh, I see. So she's saying, you know,
1:18.3	is there any way to get him to learn the lessons that one learns in long-term relationships,
1:23.8	like considering other people's feelings?. Is it something that can be
1:28.1	sped up? Is there a way to cope with the waiting and the learning period that I just haven't
1:33.4	considered yet? Thanks so much for everything you two do, sending so much love and support from Oregon.
1:38.2	Bob, what do you think? That's nice. Yeah, I had a couple thoughts. One is being in a relationship is sort of like having bad breath. It's hard to smell your own. But when I, you sent me this email earlier so I could just be prepped. And part of me was like, he's a little judgy, like, of the partner who is, you know, quote unquote,
2:02.6	not as far along.
2:04.2	Because it's sort of like, well, who's to decide?
2:07.8	That's not really what I was thinking.
2:09.1	What I was thinking is you find yourself feeling annoyed or disappointed with your partner
	...

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