Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from two to five p.m. Eastern time on serious XM triumph 11. Lisa, welcome to the program.

Hi, Dr. Lara.

Hi, what can I do for you?

I'm just going my son who was 27 years old had called you about a year ago and spoke to you about moving in or his girlfriend moving forward with her and he ended up seven weeks ago telling me that he is going to move forward with her and I am just sort of had a

little bit of trouble accepting that that's what he's going to do even though they're not of the same religion and I know how you feel about shacking up with your girlfriend and I just think it's a bad idea because I have some things to work out but he thinks it's a good idea so it's a little hard to accept just wondering your thoughts on how to move forward.

You just explained to him that you really don't only hear any complaints about their relationship because he's treating her like an unpaid whore and that's unacceptable to you as a woman and his mother and should they get married that's wonderful but don't expect any money from you to do that because

the bride and groom's families give money as part of tradition and if he's going to be untraditional then he'll have to be untraditional the whole way and then you hug him you kiss him pack him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a piece of fruit in a brown paper bag and send him on his own and get on with your life and ignore it.

That's harsh but it's not harsh there's nothing harsh about it and that's sad that you even said that's harsh there are values that your family stands for and if he's going to

to flake those values off there are going to be consequences and if he's not going to be traditional you can't expect traditional behavior from you.

I mean that's not harsh that's adult right right it just seems that every you know all around like I'm trying to stand up for my principle which is I didn't walk you know I got only principles you're supposed to

stand up for yours and it doesn't matter what anybody else in your community or in your family or on television it doesn't matter what values they're standing up for.

This is your family your son your life and you decide he's deciding for him you're deciding for you that is the grown up way to handle this and it doesn't matter who else is doing what.

You're right that's right something just hard to get I mean it sounds so right it's just hard I guess it's been hard to get there you know it is boring to it is boring to me to have people.

Deny the necessity of things by saying it's hard it doesn't matter if it's hard don't even bring that up.

It's irrelevant that it's difficult irrelevant you don't get extra points because it's difficult.

It only makes it you know make it harder by saying those kinds of things yes beautifully said beautifully said that's so right it just makes it more difficult to face what you have to do when you're when you're going to run a race.

Do you stand there and go oh my god there's some sand over there and there could be a breeze over there and that person could run faster and I'm not sure my shit shoes and all my lord by the time you do that you cannot win the race.

The brain gives in the moment it hears it's hard the brain goes okay forget about it.

Yeah yeah no it's true and I've let every single person around me influence how I think unfortunately.

That's too bad then there's no point of you existing right well that's how I you know it's been like that and that's just I can't continue to you know do what I was doing so I have to do something more simple and better.

You have as much right to your opinion and your desires needs and philosophy is anybody else including me.

That's true that's true so never again say something is difficult because the brain instead of getting all amped up to take on the challenge it deflates.

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