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Triumph 11. Colleen, welcome to the program. Hi there. Thank you for taking my call. Thank you.

What can I do for you?

I am an adult. I am the oldest before I had three siblings. We're all in our 40s and 30s.

I am a oldest. Our parents have used us for many years as mediators between the two of them. Me especially, my sister, who is almost 10 years younger than me.

We've said stop. We've ignored. I moved 2000 miles away. It's coming to a surface again.

I'm on your advice. I don't really understand. I mean, they can call and ask you to do something and you can say, no.

It's personal stuff. They over the years. If you don't hear it, but if you don't hear it.

And you say, no, this is not my place. I'm your child. See a therapist, see a minister. I love you both. Goodbye.

I have no honey.

Please don't do that. I don't really like to start out my three hours with somebody doing. I've done that.

But this thing keeps happening. The thing can't happen unless you participate in it. That's a DUH.

Unless you participate in it, it cannot continue. If the second they're on the phone and you start hearing any of that and you go, I love you both. Please work this out yourselves. Bye. Then you're not being manipulated. The problem is that people in the family like the children, the siblings have mixed feelings.

On the one hand, they can't stand it. On the other hand, they don't want to be left out. On yet another hand, they want to be the good kid who's counted on. On the other hand, they're worried about the money when parents die.

I mean, there are all sorts of reasons that people continue to do something they know is not good for themselves. And they complain about the other person as though the other person had the power.

Your parents don't have the power to manipulate you unless you're there functioning with them in the manipulation. It's not possible.

Just be like if you decided you were going to start a fight and argument with me right now. And I stayed quiet.

That's not having a fight. I'm not cooperating. I'm wanting you to look nuts, ranting and raving. So you see, I can't then complain about you if I get into the fight with you every time.

That's who they are. And part of you wants to stay connected, even though it's in a sick way. Sometimes yes. Yeah, that's right.

We have a family. No, I don't want to hear about we. I don't want to hear we. I don't want to hear any of what we've done. We did this. We did that. That's all completely irrelevant. Nothing can happen to you that you don't permit.

And it's hard to make the decision to not permit it because you don't want to feel like a bad God or you want to be liked by your parents. You want to be the heroine. I get all of that. But look at the price you pay.

Yeah, there's a price. Yeah. And maybe you're at the point where you just don't want to pay it anymore. Maybe.

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