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I'm 11. Miriam, welcome to the program.

Thank you, Dr. Laura. Thank you. I'm calling because I have a little problem. I am the oldest of three girls.

One of my nephews son of my sister that lives two states away called me yesterday because he's having a problem with his mom not liking his girlfriend. I mean really not liking his.

Okay, before you go on have you and that sister ever talked about this girlfriend.

We have what is her objection to the girlfriend? What has she described? She thinks that no, no, no, what has she described? Not what she thinks.

Okay, what she has described in terms of behavior. What have you? She has described her as controlling what the nephew wears, what he does, where he goes, if he attends family events or not.

She described her as just being super controlling with my nephew.

Anything else that's number one. That's big. That's bad enough, but number one.

On that same in that same conversation, she also described her as being really good for him because she helps him be responsible and do things that he needs to do.

Such as finish schoolwork or look for a job or you know do things like that. She's his mommy. He's a bit of a lent. His mommy. Yeah.

So evidently, they are not getting along very well. The mom. Well, of course not. We can't have two mommy's. You need to have one mommy, one girlfriend, dash potential wife.

So he calls me on the phone yesterday. Very upset. Crying saying that he feels in the middle because he loves his girlfriend. And of course he loves his mom, but he cannot handle them not getting along. And would I be willing to intervene.

And I said that. I mean, I don't know what I can do. I live two states away number one, but I'll answer the question for you.

Okay.

You can say to him, I have talked to your mother. And while she thinks this girl is sort of the driving force for you to do the things you should be doing on your own, like getting a job in schoolwork, which is I guess pretty good.

Your mom, I'd like to ask you something. Maybe his name is John. I'd like to ask you something, John. Does she pretty much.

And just say yes or no, John. Is she pretty much in control of what you wear? Where you go? What are you going to do if you're going to participate with family in some particular event? Just say yes or no, sweetheart.

And he will, of course, say, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah. And you'll say it's tough for her mother to see her boy controlled.

Like a puppet master.

She wants to see you be your own man. So that's the problem your mother has. You're not being your own man. See, the point of giving him feedback is to help him.

Not to fix the two women that will never happen. Never happen.

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