I once held in my hands an object discovered in Kosovo that, by all appearances, was an

ancient Okarina carved from some sort of bone.

However, when you blew into it, you were not met with musical notes.

Rather the instrument produced streams of color, pouring out of the finger holes and rising

briefly into the air, entwining with each other in all sorts of complex patterns and combining

to make new, stunning, vivid colors which finally vanished back into the ether.

All manner of things have happened.

Are happening now on this planet that we do not understand or even vaguely are aware of

occasionally.

An artifact hinting at such untold and mysterious forces or events is uncovered, mostly

by sheer happenstance.

My name is Oliver Percy, OP for short, and I hold commerce in such a rare item.

The latest acquisition on the most incredible I've ever come across yet, as well as the

most dangerous, who holds them holds unfathomable power, and even as I write this, nefarious forces

creep in the night, seeking to steal them away, should those forces ever succeed.

I fear that our world will become yet another forgotten relic.

The testicles fell into my lap, so to speak.

So I have code running at all hours, crawling the internet in search of certain phrases,

contained in news articles, blogs, forum posts, so forth, that might indicate the existence

of an uncanny item.

Any hits trigger a logistic regression which helps determine the likelihood that the source

in question is in fact discussing an object of rare properties.

...