Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from two to five PM Eastern time on serious XM triumph 11. Natalia welcome to the program.

Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi, I have I have a question for you. It's not a life or death scenario, but it's something that I've kind of been toying around in my brain of how to address.

I have two small toddlers of four year old and a five year old and they're both boys. And I've noticed that lately, aside from just being very competitive between the two of them.

It's kind of been starving for or always complaining if they're not getting the right affirmation at the time. So.

There, you know, if I say good job to one, the other ones like, I wanted you to say good job to me. And it seems like now every small task and your answer to that is madam, your answer to that is what when you do something good, you'll hear good job as well.

Okay, I would like to see you support effort, not success. Okay. Otherwise they grew up to be little narcissists. And that's what I don't want to happen.

I know that that's why you're on the phone with me. I think that you should work on noticing kind acts. For example, they're competitive, but I'm sure you see moments.

I've even argued with me. I know you don't say anything because most parents don't so don't even go, I do that because just leave it alone. Okay.

When you see one actually being kind, compassionate, helpful to the other say, I really like seeing you help your brother pick up his toys. When you, when you see it happening, I really like seeing you do that.

I mean, the affirmation is for being a good person, not for being good at kicking a ball or getting a picture done or other stuff.

That doesn't turn them into good people. So now I want you to totally ignore the other garbage that you've been paying attention to. Just give it up.

I don't need to hear every time they put two blocks on top of each other. Good job. That's kind of ridiculous. Now only notice acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, selflessness, compassion, helpfulness.

Only look for that. Okay. Never compliment again. You colored in the lines. Good job. Never again. Okay. You can say that's pretty. That's pretty.

Where are you going to put it? Are you going to make anymore? You can have dialogues about it. But enough with the everything they do goes up in the kitchen on the refrigerator.

Enough of that. Okay. So are you on your cell phone? I am. Walk to where the kids are. Like you're not paying attention to them. And just go, yes, when you're there.

Oh, right now I'm there with my husband. I'm actually at my mom's house doing a work with the little one. Okay. Well, we were going to practice this. But all right. When you go home.

Hi, love you. Hi, love you. How's everybody? What'd you do today? This is what I did. You want to play a game? Whatever it is you do. Only engagement stuff. They're re-igniting the togetherness. And then watch for when one passes the salt to the other and go, that's really nice.

I really, it makes me happy to see you. So it's all about makes me happy to see you. Take care of your brother like that, handing him the salt. I mean, your kid will go like what?

So my affirmations are for being nice to my brother. Okay. Then they're going to compete with who's nicer. Right.

Then you're going to put two decent people out into the world as opposed to two people who demand recognition for every dumb little thing they do. Very true. Okay. Thank you, Dr. Laura. That was very helpful.

Have fun. You're going to love this because it's so pleasant. It's the opposite of what you've been doing. And it's so pleasant to tell a kid, oh, just touches my heart.

When you help your brother up when he fell down on the ice. That was really nice to see.

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