My Husband Fought a Private War No One Could See
Meaningful People
Meaningful Minute
4.8 • 2K Ratings
🗓️ 3 January 2026
⏱️ 93 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Four years ago, Shaina's life changed forever.
Her husband, Yaakov—beloved, successful, devoted, admired—took his own life.
In this raw and deeply moving conversation, Shaina speaks openly about what it's like to live through a tragedy that many are forced to hide, but she was never given the option to silence. She shares the painful reality of loving someone who was suffering invisibly, the strength it took to keep moving forward, and the unexpected blessing of authenticity in the aftermath.
This episode goes beyond grief. It confronts the stigma around mental illness in the Jewish community, the cost of suffering in silence, and the courage it takes to talk when no one else will. Shaina challenges how we view suicide—not as weakness, but as a battle fought daily—and why telling the truth may be the only way to prevent the next tragedy.
This is not an easy listen.
But it is a necessary one.
For help and mental health resources please visit https://behindthefaces.org
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I want to speak to you about your late husband, Yaakov. Unfortunately, four years ago, he took his own life. I wake up in the morning, my husband was not feeling well. When I look back, it wasn't Yaakov. From the corner of my eye, I saw our shed in the backyard, and I noticed that the door was slightly open. I went to the shed and I found him. Mental illness is an illness like any other illness. You can't see it, |
| 0:22.5 | but it's there. They were in so much pain that the idea of ending their life was far better than |
| 0:27.2 | staying here. Meet Shana. Four years ago, Shana lost her husband Yaakov to suicide. But |
| 0:32.3 | followed wasn't just lost, it was silence, stigma, and questions no one knew how to answer. |
| 0:36.8 | In this conversation, Shana opens up about what it's like to live beside mental illness, |
| 0:40.5 | how pain can stay completely invisible and why so many people in our community suffer quietly, |
| 0:44.6 | afraid of being judged. |
| 0:46.0 | She shares what led up to that day and why hiding the truth only makes the damage deeper. |
| 0:50.2 | Because mental illness is real, and pretending it doesn't exist won't make it go away. |
| 0:59.7 | Were the things that he was going through apparent to people on the outside or totally not? |
| 1:01.8 | In our community, there's no trauma groups. |
| 1:03.8 | There's nobody to talk to. |
| 1:08.2 | He did not want anyone to know because he felt that he was going to get judged by his illness. |
| 1:11.6 | And to be fair, he was right to a certain degree. Dealing with the aftermath of something so catastrophic and tragic. |
| 1:15.6 | And then also having to hide it and be shameful of it is something that unfortunately |
| 1:20.6 | many people in our community go through. |
| 1:22.6 | There was no one I could really talk to freely and openly in our community about it. |
| 1:27.7 | What do you do if someone actually came over to you and said, Nakhai, like, I'm really thinking about doing this. Like, do you know what to do? I don't think our community is equipped to handle that. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the Meaningful People podcast. This one is a tough one. and I want to say right off the back that if you are under a certain |
| 1:45.5 | age, if you're under 18, or if you are sensitive to these types of topics, we are discussing |
| 1:50.5 | suicide, it is a tough, tough topic that is being spoken about. |
| 1:55.0 | So this is a trigger warning. |
| 1:56.1 | This is a warning to you that this episode may not be for you. |
... |
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