My girl is a little distant and doesn't want to have sex.

We have one kid in life stresses.

Well, first things first, got to read 3% Man.

You got to learn the fundamentals.

There are no shortcuts to success.

So I've been doing this almost 20 years at this point, I've done tens of thousands of phone sessions answered probably three times as many emails and you see patterns over and over and over again.

And so when I talk to guys that are in those situations in their relationships, they usually do one of two things or both a combination

of both of them. Number one, she doesn't feel heard and understood. He doesn't spend the time

listening to her opening her up. Hey, how is your day? It's one of the best things a guy can do when he

comes home from working all day, especially if the wife has been dealing with the crazy kids and the pets and everything else that goes on, raising kids or being a state-home mom, he's like, hey, how is your day, babe? And get her to talk. Don't try to solve the problems. Just get her to talk and tell you about her day and what else. And that makes her feel like you care because you're taking time to listen. Even though you were the guy out slaying the dragons, you come home and like, hey, babe, how was your day? And these are basic rapport creating skills. If you're in sales and you're selling to any client, first thing you want to do is be asking questions. Whoever's asking questions is the one that's running the conversation. and when you meet with a client, if you're trying to create rapport with them or you're meeting a girl in person the first time, is you want to ask the kind of questions that they would enjoy answering. And so those are typically questions about themselves because people that are close to you and care about you want to know about you. They want to know what's going on, how your day is, how the job is, how the wife is, how the kids, how the houses, the new pool that you put in, they want to catch up

on what's going on in your life. And so when you meet somebody that's a total stranger and you

start asking those kinds of questions, it automatically, because they're thinking, oh, great, now I've got to deal with this salesperson here. I was trying to sell me something. I know they're going to have a pitch or use some kind of clothes on me. And then the guy just starts talking to you and asking you questions about your family, where you grew up, what you do for fun. And instead of a salesperson, now it disarms them.

It makes them feel like, hey, I'm talking to an old friend. Somebody I already knows, somebody that I'm close to. And so that's why it's so effective. And so when you come home at the end of the day, hey, babe, how is your day? Because women say about 8,000 words a day. Us guys tend to say about 2,000 words. and if you feel the urge

because a lot of guys make this mistake of trying to solve the problem, because that's how us guys are wired, if she's just, because most time women just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and you just got to listen and facilitate their discussion without giving them solutions.

But if you feel inclined and you're not sure if they want you just to be a sounding board and listen

or they need your opinion on something to ask.

So you don't want me just to listen or you need my opinion?

And most time we'll go, oh, I just want you to listen.

And she'll continue talking and telling you whatever.

And so that's the first thing is that guys don't take the time to make the girl feel heard and understood. And so if you're not making her feel heard and understood, guess what? She feels like you don't care because you don't take the time. Women know instinctually that a guy's actions mean everything about how he feels about them.

So if you're not taking the time to open her up and see how her day was,

then she's not going to feel close to you.

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