Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from two to five PM Eastern time on serious XM triumph 11. Ashley welcome to the program.

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

My pleasure. What's happening?

Well, my daughter is 26 and she's dating a fella that we do not like because and because not and because well first first he's he's 14 years older than her so that worried us.

He came from Poland and from New York and we didn't know anything about him.

Did a little bit of internet searching found some things so higher apart.

What things? What is it you're finding and do you do this with all your kids and private investigators after their dates?

No, he he some things came up and so I wanted to what things came up what things came up?

A felony a drug felony and so he has a drug felony. What was he convicted of he was convicted as a felon for having done what what do you do?

Manufacturing and trafficking marijuana. He had a how how long did all right.

And he started with that. That was not a big deal. His dad got him out of it. Well, we had to tell her you know felony. Don't go off of your record.

How did your daughter get to be this stupid or needy? I don't know. See okay. Are you going to are you hoping I will tell you something that will are you hoping I would tell you something that would change her mind about him?

Yes, I want to try to know how I can get her to see the truth and do you have a look that I can give her? Okay, Ashley. Okay, do you hear my voice? Yes.

Oh, when you hear my voice, could you do me the favor of listening? Yes, so I don't have to sound incredibly rude. Sure.

Water seeks its own level. Your daughter feels comfortable with a man like this.

Yes.

It's because he is all these things that she's interested. Not in spite.

You've made a mistake. It isn't him. It's her. She's comfortable with him attracted to it. Feel secure that he will keep her.

She's obviously not an incredibly secure person. So this is what breeds this. So you can bring her lists of things and it will not change your mind.

This is where she's comfortable. And you have to face that.

Now normally when the women themselves play the role and they're and you're hearing my voice, when women themselves call, I'll ask, okay, so do you think you're fat, ugly, dumb or unlovable?

And usually they pull one or two out of that list to and that explains their choice because they feel and see their perception of themselves is so negative.

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