Hi, this is Janet Landsbury. Welcome to Unruffled.

Today I'm going to be responding to an email I received from a parent who shares,

I have not heard the topic of quote, mean four-year-olds being addressed.

There must be a better way to say that, but that's what it feels like.

Her daughter is in her description, smart, funny, incredibly strong willed, lively,

and the parent doesn't want to dampen her voice, but is struggling with the treatment that she's getting from her daughter.

Okay, here's the email I received.

Hi, Janet. I'm a huge fan of your podcast and listen whenever I can.

So far, I've not heard the topic of quote, mean four-year-olds unquote being addressed.

There must be a better way to say that, but that's what it feels like.

My four-year-old daughter is a firework. She is smart, funny, loves an audience, loves existing,

and is incredibly strong willed. I love that about her, and I don't want to dampen that voice,

because I know that as a girl growing into a woman,

she will need to continue to be strong willed and use her voice.

But maybe not now, at age four, with mommy. Sometimes she is downright mean.

She is obsessed with her father and basically tolerates me, which I don't argue with.

But if I come home from work without a present for her, she'll say something like,

you're the worst mommy in the world.

Or if I give a toy back to her little brother that belongs to him, and she ripped it out of his hands,

the face she gives can turn me to stone.

Or if I tell her to, please give me the pen back because we're not drawing right now,

she will rip it away from me and grip it for dear life calling me the worst.

...