Music Welcome to snoozecast, the podcast designed to help you fall asleep. Find us on snoozecast.com, and if you enjoy our show, please, share us with a friend. If you'd like to get an email once a week with upcoming sleep stories and other news, subscribe to the snooze letter at snoozecast.com. This episode is brought to you by Kurt Sees and Bows. Tonight, we'll read the opening two, Mr. Mitchitman Easy, an 1836 novel by Frederick Marriott, a retired captain in the Royal Navy. The novel is set during the Napoleonic Wars, in which Marriott, himself, served with distinction, this episode first aired in February of 2021. At 14, the naïve Jack EZ leaves the luxury of his family estate in England and sails into a world of adventure aboard the Slope of War HMS Harpy. At first, Jack finds it hard to bear the discipline of naval life and is always getting himself into trouble.

But soon, he is bravely taming a band of mutinous semen as the Harpy Chases spanishhips on the Mediterranean.

Let's get cozy. Close your eyes. Relax your body into the softness of your bed. Now, take a few deep breaths.

Chapter 1, which the reader will find very easy to read. Mr. Nicodemus Easy was a gentleman who lived down in Hampshire. He was a married man and in very easy circumstances. Most couples find it very easy to have a family, but not always quite so easy to maintain them. Mr. Easy was not at all uneasy on the latter score as he had no children, but he was anxious to have them, as most people covet what they cannot obtain. After 10 years, Mr. Easy gave it up as a bad job. Philosophy is said to console a man under disappointment, although Shakespeare asserts that it is no remedy for toothache. So Mr. Easy turned philosopher. The very best profession a man can take up. When he is fit for nothing else, he must be a very incapable person indeed who cannot talk nonsense. For some time, Mr. Eazy could not decide upon what description his nonsense should consist of. At last, he fixed upon the rights of man, equality, and all that. How every person was born to inherit his share of the earth. A right at present only admitted to a certain length that is about six feet, for we all inherit our graves and are allowed to take possession without dispute. But no one would listen to Mr. Easey's philosophy. The women would not acknowledge the rights of men, whom they declared always to be in the wrong, and, as the gentlemen who visited Mr. Easy were all men of property, they could not perceive the advantages of sharing with those who had none. However, they allowed him to discuss the question while they discussed his port wine. The wine was good if the arguments were not, and we must take things as we find them in this world. While Mr. Easy talked philosophy, Mrs. Easy played patience, and they were happy couple, riding side by side on their hobbies, and never interfering with each other. Mr. Easy knew his wife could not understand him, and therefore did not expect her to listen very attentively. And Mrs. Easy did not care how much her husband talked, provided she was not put out in her game. Mutual forbearance will always ensure domestic felicity. There was another cause for their agreeing so well. Upon any disputed question, Mr. Easy invariably gave it up to Mrs. Easy, telling her that she should have her own way. this pleased his wife, but as Mr. Eazy always took care when it came to the point to have his way, he was pleased as well. It is true that Mrs. Eazy had long found out that she did not have her own way long, but she was of an easy disposition, and, as, in nine cases out of ten, it was a very little consequence how things were done. She was quite satisfied with his submission during the heat of the argument. Mr. Easy had admitted that she was right, and if he, like all men, would do wrong, why what could a poor woman do? With a lady of such a quiet disposition, it is easy to imagine that the domestic

Felicity of Mr. Easy was not easily disturbed. But as people have observed before, there is a mutability in human affairs. It was at the finale of the 11th year of their marriage that Mrs. E. Z. at first complained that she could not enjoy her breakfast. Mrs. E. Z. had her own suspicions. Everybody else considered it passed out. All except Mr. Easey. He little thought, good easy man, that his greatness was ripening. He had decided that to have an heir was no easy task, and it never came into his calculations that there could be a change in his wife's figure. You might have added to it, subtracted from it, divided it, or multiplied it, but as it was a zero, the result would always be the same. Mrs. Easy also was not quite sure. She believed it might be the case. There was no saying. It might be a mistake. Like that of Mrs. Trunyans in the novel. And therefore, she said nothing to her husband about the matter. At last, Mr. Easy opened his eyes and when, upon interrogating his wife, he found out the astounding truth. He opened his eyes still wider, and then he snapped His fingers and danced with delight.

Two months. And then he snapped his fingers and danced with delight.

Two months after Mr. EZ snapped his fingers, Mrs. EZ felt no inclination to snap hers, either from indifference or pleasure. The fact was that Mrs. Easy's time had come to undergo what Shakespeare pronounces the pleasing punishment that women bear, but Mrs. Easy, like the rest of her sex, declared that all men were liars and most particularly poets. But while Mrs. Easy was suffering, Mr. Easy was in ecstasy's. He laughed at pain, as all philosophers do when it is suffered by other people and not by themselves. do course of time. Mrs. Easy presented her husband with a fine boy whom we present to the public as our hero. Chapter 2 in which Mrs. Easy as usual has her own way. It was the fourth day after Mrs. Easy's confinement that Mr. Easy, who was sitting by her bedside in an easy chair, commenced as follows. I have been thinking, my dear Mrs. easy, about the name I shall give this child. Name Mr. Easy? Why? What name should you give it but your own? Not so, my dear. Replied Mr. Easy? They call all names proper names, but I think that mine is not. It is the very worst name in the calendar. Why? What's the matter with it, Mr. Easy? The matter affects me as well as the boy. Nicodemus is a long name to write at full length, and Nick is vulgar. Besides, as there will be two nicks, they will naturally call my boy Young Nick, and of course I shall be styled Old Nick, which will be typolical. Well, Mr. Azy, at all events then, let me choose the name. you shall, my dear, and it was with this view that I have mentioned the subject so early. I think, Mr. Easy, I will call the boy after my poor father. His name shall be Robert. Very well, my dear, if you wish it, it shall be Robert. You shall have your own way. But I think, my dear, upon a little consideration, you will acknowledge that there is a decided objection. An objection, Mr. Easy? Yes, my dear. Robert may be very well, but you must reflect upon the consequences. He is certain to be called Bob. Well, my dear, and suppose they do call him Bob. I cannot bear even the supposition, my dear. You forget the county in which we are residing. The Downs covered with sheep. Why, Mr. Aisy, what can sheep have to do with a Christian name? There it is, women never look to the consequences, my dear, they have a great deal to do with the name of Bob.

I will appeal to any farmer in the county if 99 shepherds' dogs out of 100 are not called Bob. Now observe, your child is out of door somewhere in the fields or plantations.

You want and you call him instead of your child. What do you find? Why? A dozen curves at least, who come running up to you, all answering to the name of Bob and wagging their stumps of tails. You see, Mrs. Easy, it is a dilemma not to be got over. You level your only son to the brute creation by giving him a Christian name which, from its particular brevity, has been monopolized by all the dogs in the county. Any other name you please, my dear,

but in this one instance, you must allow me to lay my positive veto. Well, then, let me see, but I'll think of it, Mr. Easy. My headaches very much just now. Now, I will think for you, my dear. What do you say to John? Oh no, Mr. Ease, such a common name. A proof of its popularity, my dear. It's scriptural. We have the Apostle and the Baptist. We have a dozen popes who are all Johns. It is royal. We have plenty of kings who were Johns, and moreover it is short and sounds honest and manly. Yes, very true, my dear, but they will call him Jack. Well, we have had several celebrated characters who were Jacks. There was, let me see, Jack of the Beanstalk and Jack, Jack, Jack Spratt and Jack Cade misses Easy, the great Reblon, three-finger Jack Mrs. Easy, and above all, Jack Fall Staff, ma'am, Jack Fall Staff, Honest Jack Fall Staff, Whitty Jack Fall Staff. I thought Mr. Easy, that I was to be permitted to choose the name. Well, so you shall, my dear. I give it up to you. Do just as you please. But depend upon it that John is the right name. Is it not now, my dear? It's the way you always treat me, Mr. Easy. You say that you give it up, and that I shall have my own way, but I never do have it. I'm sure that the child will be Christen John. Nay, my dear, it shall be just what you please. Now I recollect it. There were several Greek emperors who were John's, but decide for yourself, my dear. No, no. Replied Mrs. Easy, who was ill and unable to contend any longer. I give it up, Mr. Easy. I know how it'll be, as it always is. You give me my own way as people give pieces of gold to children. It's their own money, but they must not spend it. Pretty call him John. There, my dear, did not I tell you you would be of my opinion upon reflection? I knew you would. I have given you your own way, and you

tell me to call him John, so now we're both of the same mind, and that point is settled. I should like to go to sleep, Mr. Eazy. I feel far from well. You should always do just as you like my dear dear. Reply the husband, and have your own way in everything. It is the greatest pleasure I have when I yield to your wishes. I will walk in the garden. Goodbye, my dear. This is easy, made no reply, and the philosopher quitted the room, as may easily be imagined on the following day the boy was Chris and John. 3. In which our hero has to wait the issue of an argument, the reader may observe that, in general, all my first chapters are very short and increase in length as the work advances. I mention this as a proof of my modesty and diffidence.

At first I am like a young bird just out of its mother's nest, pluming my little feathers and taking short flights. By degrees I obtain more confidence and wing my course over hill and day.

It is very difficult to throw any interest into a chapter on childhood. There's the same uniformity in all children until they develop. We cannot therefore say say much relative to Jackie's earliest days, he sucked and threw up his milk while the nurse blessed it for a pretty deer, slept and sucked again. He crowed in the morning like a cock, screamed when he was washed, stared at the candle, and made rye faces with the wind. Six months passed in these innocent amusements, and then he was put into shorts. But I ought here to have remarked that Mrs. Easy did not find herself equal to nursing her own infant, and it was necessary to look out for a substitute. Now, a commonplace person would have been satisfied with the recommendation of the medical man, who looks but to the one thing needful, which is a sufficient and wholesome supply of nourishment for the child. But Mr. Easy was a philosopher and had laterally taken to crenology. And he discussed very learnably with the doctor upon the effect of his only son obtaining his new treatment from an unknown source. Who knows? Observed, Mr. Ease, but that my son may not imbibe with his milk the very worst passions of human nature. I have examined her, replied the doctor, and can safely recommend her. That examination is only preliminary to one more important. Replied Mr. Ease, I must examine her. Who, Mr. Easey. I must examine her. Xamen who, Mr. Easey, exclaimed his wife, who had lain down again on the bed? The nurse, my dear. Xamen what, Mr. Easey? Continued the lady. Her head, my dear, replied the husband, I must ascertain what her propensities are. I think you had better leave her alone, Mr. Easy. She comes this evening, and I shall question her pretty severely. Dr. Middleton, what do you know of this young person? I know, Madam, that she's very healthy and strong, or I should not have selected her. But is her character good? Really, Madam, I know a little about her character, but you can make any inquiries you please. at the time, I ought to observe that if you are too particular in that point, you will have some difficulty in providing yourself. Well, I shall see. Replyed Mrs. Easy. This parlaying was interrupted by the arrival of the very person in question, who was announced by the housemaid and was ushered in. She was a handsome, florid, healthy-looking girl, awkward and naive in her manner, and apparently not overwise. There was more of the dove than the serpent in her composition. Have you any questions to ask Mrs. Easy, but it is quite unnecessary? To be sure I have, Mr. Easy, pray, young woman, what is your name? Sarah, if you please ma'am, you are correct, doctor.

Replyed, Mr. Eazy and her head proves that she is a modest young woman with strong religious feeling, kindness of disposition and every other requisite. She is well fitted for the situation ma'am, continued the doctor. I try the situation, ma'am, continued the doctor.

Shall I try the baby, ma'am, set the monthly nurse who had listened in silence? It is fretting so poor thing and has its dear little fist right down its throat. Mrs. Easy, who was lying on her bed, rose up and went to the child. Her first feeling was that of envy that another should have such an experience which was denied to herself. The next that of delight at the satisfaction expressed by the infant. In a few minutes the child fell back in a deep sleep. Mrs. Easy was satisfied. Maternal feelings conquered all others, and Sarah was duly installed. To make short work of it, we have said that Jack E. Z in six months was in shorts. He soon afterwards began to crawl and show his legs, indeed so indecoriously that it was evident that he had imbibed no modesty with Sarah's milk. Neither did he appear to have gained fineration or benevolence. For he snatched at everything, squeezed the kitten too hard, scratched his mother, and pulled his father by the hair, notwithstanding all which, both his father and mother, and the whole household, declared him to be the finest and sweetest child in the universe. But if we were to narrate all the wonderful events of Jack's childhood from the time of his birth, up to the age of seven years, as chronicled by Sarah, who continued his dry nurse after he had been weaned. It would take at least three volumes fullio. Jack was brought up in the way that every only child usually is, that is, he was allowed to have his own way. Chapter 4. In which the doctor prescribes going to school as a remedy for a cut finger. you no idea of putting the boy to school Mr. Eazy?" said Dr. Middleton, who had been summoned by a groom with his horse in a foam to attend immediately at Forest Hill, the name of Mr. Eazy's mansion, and who, upon his arrival, had found that Master Eazy had cut his thumb. One would have thought that he had cut his head off by the agitation pervading the whole household. Mr. Eazy walking up and down very uneasy. Mrs. EZ with great difficulty prevented from syncopy. And all the maids bustling and passing around Mrs. EZ's chair. Everybody appeared excited except Master Jack EZ himself, who, with a rag round his finger,

and his pinnifor spotted with blood, was playing at Bob Cherry and cared nothing about the matter. Well, what's the matter, my little man?

Said Dr. Middleton, on entering, addressing himself to Jack as the most sensible of the whole party. Oh, Dr. Middleton? Interrupted, Mrs. Easy. He has cut his hand. I'm sure that a nerve is divided, and then the lock jaw. The doctor made no reply, but examined the finger. Jack easy continued to play Bob Cherry with his right hand. Have you such a thing as a piece of sticking plaster in the house, madam? Observe the Doctor after examination? Oh yes, run Mary doctor after examination.

Oh yes, run Mary, run Sarah. In a few seconds the maids appeared. Sarah bringing the sticking plaster and Mary following with the scissors. yourself quite easy, Madame," said Dr. Middleton, after he put on the plaster, "'I will answer for no evil consequences.' Had I not better take him upstairs and let him lie down a little, replied Mrs. Easy, slipping a guinea into the doctor's hands. It is absolutely not requisite, Madame, said the doctor, but at all events he will be kept out of more mischief. Come my dear, you hear what Dr. Middleton says. Yes, I heard, replied Jack, but I shan't go. My dear Johnny, come love, now do my dear Johnny. Johnny played Bob Cherry and made no answer. Come, Master Johnny, said Sarah.

Go away, Sarah," said Johnny, with a backhander. Oh, five, Master Johnny," said Mary. Johnnie, my love, said Mrs. Easy and a coaxing tone. Come now. Will you go?

I'll go in the garden and get some more cherries.

Replyed, Master Johnny.

Come then, love.

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