Hi, Esther. I'm speaking to you in hopes that we can talk about the relationship my mother and I have.

It's a complicated one, but simply put, I'm the mother in the relationship.

My mother was a product of an arranged marriage.

My parents love each other very much, but my mother is very sheltered growing up

and was married and had a child by 23 without much real-world experience herself. Then eight

years later, after years of emotional abuse from my paternal grandparents, my parents moved to America.

I quickly became the intermediary between the outside world and my mom.

My father, who was busy with work and providing for his family, had little time to spend with us.

And my mom, too incapable, my brother, too young, I became the emotional leader of my family.

I jokingly say I've been an adult since I was eight.

This parentification strained many relationships.

As I got older, I kept having hope that my mom and I could be both adults now, but that has also rarely happened.

Me and my dad have become the caretaker of her emotional needs.

And if I were to be very harsh, I would say that she sees herself as the victim in all of this.

The time that she had with her in-laws, not having the exposure to feel prepared for the outside world, not being able to speak English

confidently, all of it kind of becomes barriers to why she can't do something. And if I point out any of

these things and how they impacted her children, she gets defensive and even starts guilting,

you know, me so much so that it becomes my job to make her feel better. And this pattern keeps

repeating and I don't know how to confront this part of my relationship with her. I love her very much and I have a lot of empathy for what she's gone through and try my best

to like validate and understand her.

But this is also something that's the undercurrent of every interaction I have with her.

So any help to mend this part of our relationship would be very helpful.

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