Representative Matt Gates, who looks like a caricature artist drawing of me,

is reportedly under investigation for an alleged sexual relationship with an underage girl,

because Gates believes that only voters should have to show ID.

It's also being reported that Gates may have paid for sex with women he met online.

That story has since been confirmed by his whole vibe.

Gates then defended himself releasing this very normal statement.

See if any of it sounds suspicious to you.

Matt Gates has never paid for sex.

Matt Gates has never, ever been on any such websites whatsoever.

Matt Gates cherishes the relationships in his past and looks forward to marrying the love of his life.

Here's my response statement.

Colin Jost does not believe you.

Colin Jost thinks you've been to all the websites.

And Colin Joost thinks he should hold off on sending out those wedding invites.

President Trump should pardon Michael Flynn.

He should pardon the Thanksgiving turkey.

He should pardon everyone from himself to his administration officials to Joe Exotic if he has to,

because you see from the radical left a bloodlust

that will only be quenched if they come after the people who worked so hard to animate the

Trump administration with the policies and the vigor and the effectiveness that delivered

for the American people. And so I think that the president ought to wield that pardon power

effectively and

...