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The Daily

‘Modern Love’: Where Did All My Male Friendships Go?

The Daily

The New York Times

Daily News, News

4.4102.8K Ratings

🗓️ 17 August 2025

⏱️ 63 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sam Graham-Felsen never imagined being lonely. Throughout his childhood and as a young man his life revolved around his friends. But when Sam got married and then had kids, going out with his friends almost felt like a luxury. After years of focusing on everything in his life except friendship, Sam began to realize he was missing something essential, and he decided to get his friends back. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Mr. Graham-Felsen describes how he went from being a boy with a wealth of deep friendships to finding himself feeling lonely as an adult, and what he did to bring friendship back into his life.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey everyone, it's Rachel.

0:03.1

As you know, every Sunday this summer, we've been bringing you episodes of our colleague's show Modern Love.

0:08.9

We're doing that for just a couple more weeks, and for this week, our host, Anna Martin, is here to tell us what's on the show.

0:16.2

Hi, Anna.

0:16.8

Hey, Rachel.

0:17.6

So tell me, what do you have for us this week?

0:20.0

Yeah, Rachel, I wonder what comes to mind when I say these two words.

0:23.7

All right, here we go.

0:24.6

Male loneliness.

0:26.7

Men get lonely?

0:28.6

I know.

0:29.1

It's crazy, right?

0:30.3

But no, but in all seriousness, certainly I feel like the societal-wide problem of being lonely has certainly grown as a concern, at least in my

0:39.6

periphery. Absolutely same, yeah. And specifically for men, there is actually data that backs up

0:46.6

this idea of increasing male loneliness. There's a survey I'm thinking of from last year that

0:52.1

showed that 15% of men reported having zero close friends, like no close friends.

0:57.5

That's five times higher than surveys from 1990.

1:00.1

So men have less friends these days.

1:02.3

That is really genuinely quite sad.

1:04.5

It is sad.

1:05.7

And it's one thing to hear those statistics, but this week I talked to someone who realized he was actually becoming

1:11.9

a statistic. I talked to the writer Sam Graham Felsen. He wrote about his experience, his loneliness,

...

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