Hello and welcome to Not So Molly Mormon podcast Minisodes.

Today we have an email from Richard.

Richard writes,

Hey, Katie and Sarah, I've been listening to your podcast for a while,

and I think you are really great.

I wish I could have friends like you in person.

Aw. We wish we could be friends in person too, but for now, we're virtual friends, right?

I left Mormonism around seven years ago. Growing up, I never had a strong testimony of Mormonism,

but it was a major source of community. I had a hard time

fitting in with non-Mormons, mostly because I was taught to judge the hell out of them by people

in the church. After high school, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life. After I graduated

high school and went through a bit of a religious phase. I knew lots of things about the church

didn't make sense, but I didn't want to lose my community and felt that if I didn't go on a mission,

I would be a second-class citizen. I come from a family of 13 children, whoa, and all of my

older siblings were still in the church. I figured since they were more educated than me

and found a way to square the circle, then it must be my fault that I wasn't able to. I decided to go on a

mission, even though I never got a real feeling that Mormonism was true. I just thought that if I

wasn't able to make it true, my life would be ruined, even if it actually was false.

I put all my doubts on the shelf and acted like they didn't exist and started working on my mission papers.

This was the first time I really felt like my family was ever really proud of me,

and it made me feel good, so I kept the doubts on the shelf.

I got called to the Las Vegas, Nevada, Spanish-speaking mission. At the MTC, I felt good for a while, but after a while I couldn't keep things on the shelf anymore.

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