Hello and welcome to Not So Mali Mormon podcast minisodes. Today's letter comes from someone who is just going by the letter A, the initial A.

They write, hi, I recently found your podcast and have been pouring through it, debating whether

or not to send an email because I've really never talked about how I really feel about

the church.

Well, I'm glad you did send an email.

Thank you.

I know it was sent a while ago, but still appreciate it. Thanks for waiting.

I'm a guy who grew up Catholic and converted to Mormonism when I met my ex-wife. We married

quickly. I converted, and we were together for many years. I tried to be excited about it at the beginning.

It's in my personality to go full tilt and perfect shit.

So there we go.

I would spreadsheet the hell out of my callings.

Wow.

The whole time, though, it just felt weird.

I wanted my family to be together forever,

and I operated very much from a place of fear,

tapping into that sweet spot and foundation of Catholic guilt.

I mean, I'm just trying to imagine I, you know, like we've talked about,

Sarah and I grew up with the Mormon guilt and shame,

but we know Catholic guilt is real. And so I can only imagine how that would compound

to have Catholic guilt and then layered on top of that the Mormon guilt

and fear like you were saying you want your family to be together forever don't you and in worthiness

...