Mini: Why We Blame / Spartan MIND 049

The Hard Way w/ Joe De Sena

Spartan Races

Fitness, Alternative Health, Health & Fitness, 792700

4.7 • 870 Ratings

🗓️ 17 July 2019

⏱️ 4 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We all blame. Your spouse gets an earful when you forgot your kids lunchbox, the customer service agent becomes the punching bag when you accidentally deleted your photos from your iPhone, or your supervisee gets a talking to when you forgot to check your schedule. Blaming is never really a useful tactic but we do it because we struggle with difficult feelings. So we offload them. Feelings of disappointment, especially in yourself, can spawn lots of blaming because we struggle to tolerate that feeling. Reminding yourself that even painful feelings can be tolerated and worked through can help you move away from blaming behaviors.

LESSONS:

Understand and remind yourself that blaming is one tactic that we use to offload difficult and painful feelings.
Build up some distress tolerance around those feelings by sitting when them, breathing, and using positive affirmations.

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CREDITS:

Production Team: Heather Knox, Knox Creative; Marion Abrams, Madmotion, llc.

Host: Dr. Lara Pence

Synopsis: Dr. Lara Pence

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	What's up Spartans? It's Dr. L here with Spartan Mind, your chief mind doc at Spartan.
0:10.1	I'm here each Wednesday working with you to get your mind clear of some of that stuff
0:14.6	that's preventing you from showing up in the way that you want to. Today we're going to
0:18.4	talk about why we blame. I think this is a great question. I asked a bunch of you guys on
0:24.2	Instagram what did you want to hear about and somebody said that they wanted to hear
0:27.4	about why we blame and I love this topic because let's be honest we all blame at any given time right we sometimes
0:34.9	blame people at work we sometimes blame people in our family we sometimes blame
0:38.6	our kids on things like why we were late to school when maybe we just couldn't get
0:42.3	our act together.
0:43.7	We blame it's something that we do and there's a couple of different reasons why we do it.
0:48.4	The first reason is we like to as human beings offload uncomfortable feelings.
0:54.1	We actually are not very good sitting with and
0:57.2	tolerating feelings that are distressing.
1:00.2	And one of the feelings that is the most distressing is when we are disappointed in
1:04.3	ourselves about something, right? So what do we do? We offload it onto somebody else.
1:09.3	So let's say for example that we missed our kids recital and that's disappointing to us.
1:16.7	Like it feels like we failed, it feels like maybe we aren't good enough, there might be some
1:20.6	shame attached to it.
1:22.4	So what do we do? We offload that. Maybe we
1:24.4	offloaded onto our spouse. Hey, you didn't remind me of the recital, right? That's
1:29.0	blaming. And that's a it's a position that we take so that we basically protect ourselves from that difficult emotion.
1:37.5	All right? So that's the first reason we blame is that we will like to offload those uncomfortable feelings.
	...

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