I don't want to feel numb to my anxiety because I also feel that the reason I am the way I am

and I am who I am and I want to be the best that I can and I want to perform at a certain level

is because of my anxiety and because it does keep me sharp and that is who I am.

It really has been responsible for the path that I'm on in life so I don't want to wipe that out

but I just want it to be manageable and and not feel crippled by it all the time.

What's up everyone? How's it going? I'm recording this this blog post on a Monday which is

different from me typically I'm spending some time on Tuesdays doing modern craftsman stuff but

I have we had some weather here this morning and I have the floor sub on the job wrapping things

up this week so not too much that we can do inside so I figured well I'll explain why I'm doing

it today but essentially I had a lot on my mind experiencing some recent anxiety which is not

anything that's very abnormal for me but just a little bit worse than normal so I decided to

rather than go get into work and get my belt on and essentially distract myself of what I was

feeling and decided to really take care of what was top of mind for me and get some things in order

and under control so that maybe I have a little bit less of that instant gratification

cause or created through distraction you know the instant gratification of getting something

done or heading to the job and cleaning things up organizing things which is it just it really

is gratifying but a lot of times it's not addressing the issues at hand so I'm always trying to

balance paperwork and jobs and progress and a lot of times most of my time and effort goes towards

being on the project and a lot of times that ends up creating anxiety for me on the back end of

things it's really hard to be able to get done what I need to get done especially when I have a

job that the scope has expanded two times of what we you know twofold of what we initially thought so

um I'm going to do this a little bit differently today uh I'm just going to read what I wrote

...