Everyone knows that the purpose of reading philosophy is to make yourself seem smart at parties.

The problem that people have is they haven't actually read philosophy.

Now I've read a little bit of philosophy.

Not a lot, but in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

So my team has asked me to provide the definitive ranking of philosophers. They have assembled the philosophers.

They will present the philosophers to me, and I will place them where they deserve in the hierarchy.

Take it away.

There are five tiers. S-A-B-C-F.

S-Tier, that's Galaxy Brain.

A-tier just below means there could and maybe should be a college course dedicated to that person.

B-tier, it's a good airplane reading.

You know, good way to pass the time.

Productive use of your precious moments on Earth.

C tier, we're getting down to the Reddit tier.

These are the gurus that the big brains on Reddit really like.

And you get down to the F tier, you're at the bong rippers.

You're at the philosophers where you have to just tear rips from a bong before you're like,

Hey man, you know, you ever, but actually, man, I got a quote for you ever heard about.

You know, that's the lowest year. Let's take it away. Socrates, the Galaxy Brown.

That was he, I'm glad we're starting off easy.

Socrates is the beginning of Western philosophy.

We don't have any writings from Socrates, so we know Socrates through the writings of his student, Plato, and then down through his student, student, Aristotle.

...