MFP 351: Why Parents Need to Lead, Not Just Accompany

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family

Parenting, Religion & Spirituality, Christianity, Kids & Family

4.9 • 841 Ratings

🗓️ 29 September 2025

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Parenting isn't just about being present—it's about leading with purpose because children need guidance, not just companionship. In this episode, we start by looking at some quotes from celebrity parents to examine how they are misguided. The reality is that parents are called to protect, not simply please. And we each have different roles: fathers embodying hope and authority, mothers offering love and intuition. Both are crucial, and when either dominates too much, imbalance follows—leading to fragility or rigidity. We need to recognize our children's gifts and desires and direct them by setting limits and giving formation. Where do we get these limits? By seeking the wisdom that is from above. We can't figure out life without God's wisdom and kids can't figure life without us. Parents need to hold a vision of who their child can become and make tough calls for their good. Simply "accompanying" isn't enough. Instead, loving leadership is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give.

Key Takeaways

Parenting is leadership, not passive companionship.
Fathers and mothers offer distinct but complementary strengths—hope and authority vs. love and intuition.
Children need structure, like a river needs banks—boundaries guide them safely.
Wisdom is essential—parents must seek it and model it as they lead.

Couple Discussion Questions

In what ways do we each naturally lead our children—where do we shine, and where do we fall short?
Are we setting strong enough "banks" for our kids, or are we just going with the flow?
How can we invite God's wisdom into our parenting decisions, especially when we're unsure or disagree?

Earthen Vessels book: https://matthewleeanderson.com/book/earthen-vessels/

Transcript

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0:00.0	Family, all in this together.
0:08.2	Family, we're taking a chance.
0:10.8	Family, like birds of a feather.
0:13.3	Family, we got my shoes and dance.
0:15.4	Hey, we are Mike and Alicia Hernin.
0:17.4	We have 10 kids and grandkids too, and we are here for every parent.
0:21.4	Because we are on a mission to empower moms and dads to embrace their sacred calling. So join the
0:26.0	conversation.
0:31.9	Thanks for joining us on today's podcast. And I love fall. I love almost everything about fall. I love wearing jeans. I love
0:40.2	putting on a sweatshirt if I need to. I love having bonfires outside with our kids. Yeah.
0:46.4	I love going to football games, you know, wait to turn on our fireplace. I love that. I love
0:52.1	the smell of a good fire. The candles that you've recently
0:56.6	got for us. It just feels like and you're decorating the house leaves and all this, that, the other
1:00.7	thing. There is just, but it also is that we're, we're, the school year has already begun. Yes.
1:08.5	The kids have kind of settled into. We've got a new chore chart. I don't know why I'm starting with this at all, but it's like I just, I think it's a great time of year. And I wonder if this is a, uh, universally people like the fault. Well, I guess there are certain people who don't have all four seasons per se, but I feel sorry for them.
1:28.4	I know, I do. I really do. Do you love the fall? Are you using those people living beautiful places.
1:34.5	Well, anyway, we, um, before we get jub into the podcast, I just want to say one thing that we do have
1:39.5	our single fall. We have our fall listener survey out there. It would be so great if you could take that
1:45.7	survey because we want to hear from you. So if you do that survey, we haven't really talked about
1:51.3	this. I'm going to say this on the fly, but we'll give you some free like download or discount.
1:55.3	We'll do a discount on a course. We'll do a discount on a course. We'll figure out what that looks like.
1:58.6	That's a great idea. Figure out what that looks like. And we will have that up by the time this podcast goes out. Speaking of discounts, we had Alicia did the webinar earlier this month. The recording is available. And if you watch the recording, you can get a special discount if you sign up by the end of September, right? This is our webinar for moms who are raising daughters. So you can go listen to the webinar. There's a discount on the last slide at the end. And then also we really do want you to do our survey. I think the most. The survey is a big deal for us. The most people we've ever had take it was like 700 or something. But usually it's around five. So we have five to 700 people to take
	...

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