My favorite Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the Minnesode.

We read you stories that you wrote us, which we appreciate.

Do you want to go first?

Sure.

So I'm not going to read you the title.

A proper greeting in this economy?

That's how it starts.

They're like, I love.

Beautiful.

Well done.

Strap in Maidies, ladies and daidies.

I have a good old American classic hometown murder for you.

I grew up in a tiny town in the Pacific Northwest, where my preschool class was the same as my high

school graduating class, and our Walmart was the central hub of culture.

As such I have omitted my name to avoid any unwarranted Facebook messages from any

pyramid scheme prima donnas or fishing bro grows back home. While crime was not

unheard of in my town it is always front-page news when any violent crime

happens and the talk of the town for months. Let me set the scene. I'm in my early years of high school when people still

sent chain messages via a giant mass group text. Think, quote, send to five people and your true love will text you tonight.

Oh.

Remember those?

And so it's nothing to me to receive a message with an image attached from a friend in a nearby town

...