Hello Eric this is South Philly Paul's grandmother

South Philly Mary I just had to call my gorgeous hunk of roasted red

and wish you a very happy birthday.

Also, I want to remind you that my inbox is totally empty.

Just waiting for all of your emailness to fill it right up, if you know what I mean.

Nation out. I'm going to Live from Ice Station Zebra, deep in the heart of Philadelphia this is the mediocre show Roast of

Eric tomorrow with your roast master Mike Pilot and featuring roasters

slow-mo Iowa Charlie Jones, Harry Trucker, Big Stephen, Ryan from San Diego,

Medioca Ghost Hunter, Sam from Dallas, Futser, Most Jeff, Nate the Beard, South Billy Paul, Matt

Kitten Sparks, and some other retarded motherfuckers. And now here's

tonight's roastmaster, Mike Pilate.

Oh, thank you, Hope, for that wonderful introduction.

Yes, it is a historic night in mediocre show history.

And tonight we get together to celebrate the birthday of the hardest working man in

fake talk radio.

Too bad that leaves him too exhausted to do any real work.

Durd to Durd.

Had to work for seven hours today, Wayne. I digress. He's a man that's made a career and

bordous to tears talking at length about beard, smoking meats, and kegareters.

A guy who thinks his horrible Eddie veteran personation is spot on. The man that prints merch slower than

old people fuck. He has eyes that say I love you and he killed Billy Mays. Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you Mr. Eric tomorrow. Hello Eric.

...