It's the late show's hot show with Stephen Colberg.

Folks, if you watch this show,

you know I spent a ton of time right over there

surveying the forest of news,

healing the most topical northern white-seater stories,

bracing the day's jokes over sturdy boatman's frame

and streamline the vessel's forts and gunnels

to create for you the white cap breaching seafarers canoe

that is my monologue.

But sometimes, just sometimes, folks,

I sputter awake on the swirling tide waters

of the Jersey Shore,

lash some empty two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew Code red

to a discarded Tumblr dryer,

then guided only by the light of a disincommonation

gas station Carl's Jr.

I pilot the condemned doom fairy of news that is my segment.

Meanwhile, that's the only light I need to guide me.

This is the only light you need.

Meanwhile.

In a real one-two punch of good news bad news,

the McRib is back,

...