If the late show's hot show wins, do you call them?

Folks, if you watch this show, you know,

I spend most of my time over there in the news kitchen

simmering the day's freshest story chicken

and the most topical coconut milk

and adding the newest galangal and kaffir lime leaves

and a dash of ti-paro nambla

and palm sugar to serve you the perfectly balanced

tom kagai that is my monologue, but sometimes

just sometimes folks, I wake up in the scoop of a backhoe

on a deserted construction site, toss half a discarded baloney sandwich

and the swell from a crumpled can of Mr. Pib into a cracked paint bucket

add some grass clippings and leave it in the sonda

offer you the bootleg trash gumbel of news that is my segment

Splash is a mess. Meanwhile,

the filter through which I see the world, Thomas.

Meanwhile,

the National Park Service is warning that

despite what you may have heard in some old jokes,

you should never push a slower friend down

in a baron counter.

That notice from renowned wildlife expert,

...