It's the late show's hot show with Stephen Colberg.

Folks, I spend most of my time right over there

on the old joke workshop, handshaping, the newsiest tone woods,

like narrow grain pine and topical Italian ash

into a graceful veal shape, then capping the neck

with an elegant maple scroll and tuning it up

with a rope core steel A and E, but gut string G and D

to create for you the splendid and resonant Amati double base

that is my monologue.

But sometimes, just sometimes, folks,

while on the run after getting caught cheating at fight club,

I'm a bider.

I strap a broken hockey stick to a dirty baby pool

I'm hinding under with some surgical used tubing.

Snort a rail of Custodifad and whale on the meth tweakers

washed up of news that is my segment.

Meanwhile...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right there.

That's the only instrument I need.

Meanwhile, in Florida, a man tried to propose

to his girlfriend on the bow of a boat,

...