If the late show's hot show wins, be the cold air.

Folks, you know, I spend most of my time

right over there wandering the story market,

picking out the finest, most topical Kelly Braun's news turkey.

The brightest, most exquisite Yukon gold potatoes

and the ripest McFarlane cranberries,

then preparing an assembling mold

to the spectacular classic Thanksgiving spread

that is my nightly monologue.

Sometimes, just sometimes, folks,

I crash a stolen cable service van

into a condemned middle school cafeteria,

scrapped together some discarded fruit

by the foot, expired you who,

and what is either an old slice of bread

or a falling ceiling tile

and slap it all together

to serve the assembled raccoons,

the demented outlaw picnic of news that is my segment.

Meanwhile...

You know what?

Meanwhile, it's Watch for Dinner.

...