It's the late show's hot show with Stephen Colberg.

You know, folks, I spend most of my time right over there gathering for you the day's

finest, most important news leather, cutting it into yokes with a skyving knife, fitting

them to a soul with the most topical wealth construction, then setting the stays into

the heel and then adding a burnish patina all in a curved last to present to you the

exquisite bespoke Berlouti shoe that is my monologue but sometimes just sometimes folks.

I wake up near a tire fire outside a town break into a minivan cut up the seat cushion strapped

into my feet using the barbed wire I stole off an abandoned prison fence to make the janky hobo

clog of news that is my segment. Meanwhile, that's a cardiac needle right to the heart for America.

Meanwhile, in New Mexico, Albuquerque has just erected statues of the two lead characters

of the show Breaking Bad. They've also switched the city slogan from Change Your Perspective to

Tri-Meth. Meanwhile, there was confusion for New Mexico drivers recently when a new road sign

for Albuquerque mispelled the city's name, losing the R. Albuq Qqq? Albi Qweqwe?

Still less awkward than when city officials messed up the welcome sign for Virginia.

Meanwhile, you could get paid to eat candy as a Canadian company's chief candy officer.

You mean I could get paid for that? I've been doing it for free my whole life.

What's next? I can get paid to tell jokes all day? What?

If a boatload of candy isn't enough, the company is also offering an annual salary

of $100,000 Canadian dollars. Wow, that is a lot?

Or a little? I don't... What can you buy up there? I don't...

Meanwhile, in Mexico, this grandma's dying wish was a giant penis on her grave.

I'm going to assume that this is not making it past the CBS sensors,

...