The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool

they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother and my brother and me in advice show for the

modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McElroy.

I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Hey, guys, I was wondering because of the holiday,

if we could just go around the table that we sit at every week and never mention that.

What the fuck was that noise? I didn't hear what. I'm afraid there's a raptor in Justin's room.

Yeah, it sounded like a wild animal screech. It's my new text tone is all screeches.

Horrible. Yeah, it wasn't a good investment, but I don't know how to change it because I'm

mononey. How much did you pay for that on the Nokia app store?

$100,000, which is $100,000 for the screeches. And then I know you also bought the

midi ringtone of McElmore's thrift store. And that one is the off brand as well. It's the generic

version of thrift shop that you can only license out the title. It's just that nonstop.

That's a good, crazy good loop. No, I was wondering if we could talk about what we're thankful for.

Of course. Tiss the season. Let's go around let's go around this giant mahogany table.

Okay. With the mother of pearl inlay. Great. And just to continue this metaphor,

I'm going to reach over to a big box I have right next to me and that says life on it.

And as I pick it up, you realize it's not a box. It's a big old garbage can. And I have

been to it and I dump all the garbage out onto the table. And now I'm just sort of sifting through it.

I'm just looking for the little just little things that haven't been touched by the trash. Oh,

...