Mature man available for speaking, easy terms

Garrison Keillor's Podcast

Prairie Home Productions

Society & Culture, Fiction, Comedy Fiction, Improv, Comedy

4.8 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 24 August 2024

⏱️ 7 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I don’t require luxury accommodations. I’m fine with economy hotels. I prefer not to be put up in the home of a family with small children. A Holiday Inn Express is fine; they serve a nice scrambled-egg breakfast buffet. A coffeemaker in the room would be nice and I’d prefer a shower whose Hot and Cold knobs are not directly under the showerhead so that one must stand naked while figuring out which knob is which, dreading the possibility of being scalded and having to call 911 and moaning in pain as EMTs haul me to their van, and I know that I will now become their anecdote (“You won’t believe the call we got this morning …”) and they will google me and find out that I hosted “Pie Aroma in Microphone” and am in the Academy of Arts and Letters and yet I didn’t know to Stand Outside The Shower While Turning On Water. I don’t want to become a joke, okay?

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit garrisonkeillor.substack.com/subscribe

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	I haven't yet been invited to give a commencement address this spring and I'm
0:19.4	okay with that. I am 81 an age that's gotten a bad rap recently, and I'm not famous anymore, but nonetheless, I do have things to say to this year's graduating class and I come cheap and I have my own gown if you're
0:41.1	unable to provide one.
0:43.0	I did a radio show for years whose name if you rearrange the letters
0:50.0	spells pie aroma in microphone.
0:54.8	A show of wholesome humor, uplifting music, nothing satanic or hallucinatory, only gently satiric and yet it did well in New York City and
1:09.1	New Yorkers curbed their irony when they came in the door and they listened politely.
1:16.0	The show was inspired by an article I wrote for the New Yorker magazine
1:21.0	about the Grandolopri in Nashville, Tennessee and being published
1:26.6	there rather than in say popular mechanics or good housekeeping gave me a patina of sophistication that appealed to the
1:38.8	elitists of public radio and they opened the temple doors to me and on many stations
1:47.0	pie aroma in microphone followed the Metropolitan Opera broadcast, sort of like the tail wagging the Wagner.
1:57.0	And my hero, John Updike, back in the days of white male authorship got me into the American Academy of Arts and Letters,
2:09.0	one of only three humorists in the club, which looks darned good on my resume. People from my hometown
2:18.6	of Anoka Minnesota look at that and think him?
2:23.0	He didn't even make National Honor Society in high school.
2:28.0	He got a B-minous in English, and even that was generous.
2:35.0	Had the article been about the Grand Canal in Venice, the Grand Canyon, Grandma Moses Oly Bowl, or Optometry, or had I landed in the American Academy of
2:48.2	Incarcerated debtors, it would be a very different matter. I am one of America's feel remaining
2:57.6	octogenarian stand-up comics, still able to stand for up to
3:04.0	to two hours, even three.
3:07.4	And in the current comedy crop,
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Prairie Home Productions, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Prairie Home Productions and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.