There's a both majestic and yet quaint Americana style cross stitch on the wall of my friend Adam's living room that simply reads,

kitties will puke on everything you love.

And in my experience, this has been absolutely true,

only it's not always puke, it's just some body fluid that every cat I've ever

cared about has deposited on things I love.

You want to know what my gray Patagonia vest,

my fancy fly fishing waders, and my cool Burton backpack

all have in common?

That's right, my cat peed on them, all of them.

And they smelled like that until I put like vinegar and chemicals and stuff all over them and frankly the flyfishing waiters still smell a little bit like cat pee. I mean what the heck I get along with the cat. It's like my cat and all cats for that matter have this deeply hidden encoded command

buried somewhere in their genetic imprint that when prompted the right way makes them go crazy and do something really destructive.

It's like Order 67.

And when Order 67 gets issued, they find something I love and then wreck it with body fluids.

And my dog is not that much better. My dog watched me make that beautiful

fish pond in my backyard at my last house. She sat there and saw that I put my heart

and my soul into that yard. And then she was just go and dig things up and

wreck things.

Why, why would you do that?

How does that help you?

What is the upside for you?

You're just being an instructive idiot now for no reason.

I care about you.

...