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All right, let's get after it. The summer of my ninth grade year, I was playing baseball in the city league in Fort Collins, Colorado.

I played for the Yankees.

And there was this team that we played against,

and they were just obnoxious,

and I could not stand them.

And they would always heckle me while I was pitching.

And I mean, that wasn't terrible.

There was nothing to heckle me about.

I was competitive at least least but they just would not

back off and so in my brain in between pitches I'm thinking all these really smart

things that I'm going to say to them to just show them and they're riding me and they're riding me and the bases are loaded and there are two

outs and this guy hits this rocket ball right back at me one hop and I scoop the thing and I trot

over to first base and I flipped the ball to the first basement and I'm like all right here's my big moment I'm gonna stick it to these guys and I decided to go with the phrase I'd heard in a couple of scandalous PG-13 movies I'd watch lately at friend's houses. So I was like, kiss my a ha, but I couldn't bring myself to say it because

it's a good Christian boy. And also my dad was over there assistant coaching.

He definitely would not approve of such

language, but I was already committed because I was already to kiss my. So then real nervously, I was

like, but my voice cracked horribly and you can imagine how they all felt so sad and just

broke down crying because they've been told off. No they mocked me relentlessly and

...