Hey, you know who was absolutely adorable as a tiny little baby?

Me?

And at least that's what I was told.

I remember everybody fawning over me as a little kid,

me like, oh, that's so cute, he's so precocious with his little words and stuff.

And then I remember my kid sister came along and she was a couple years younger than me,

so she didn't affect much initially but gradually I kind of moved out of the cute phase and into the puke phase and then she moved right into the cute phase and it was getting a little bit nauseating. So we're at this, I don't know, fancy dance where people wear outfits,

it's some kind of end-a-year thing or wedding reception.

I don't remember, I was very, very young, like maybe five, four years old,

something like that.

And I was dancing with my sister and

everybody thought it was so cute right now look at them is adorable but they weren't

talking about me they were talking about her pigtails or whatever look at her cute

little dress.

Hey, how about a little love for me?

I've been adorable twice as long as this kid.

And I remember getting really irritated,

and so I danced a little more aggressively with my sister,

and then I kind of just body slammed her and I was like there

who's cute now and everyone was so upset the whole room got quiet people felt

betrayed for thinking it was adorable because I went and ruined the whole moment.

But she was a threat.

...