(Matt Monday): Want More From Someone? DO NOT Chase; Do THIS Instead!
Love Life with Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey
4.8 • 2.9K Ratings
🗓️ 20 February 2023
⏱️ 14 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In today’s new episode, I share very specific principles that will be useful the next time you feel like you’re getting carried away with someone you like. And remember, no one (including yourself!) should make you feel like you’re “not enough.” No matter who you’re dating, by investing in yourself, you can come into any situation feeling like an equal.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | How do I please this person? How do I make this person mine? How do I make them want me? That instinct to try harder is |
| 0:07.8 | actually an instinct that works against us. |
| 0:09.8 | I |
| 0:28.8 | wanted to talk today about one of the most common mistakes that we make when we're really excited about someone |
| 0:36.2 | where attracted and we want to bring them closer to us. We want to turn it into something |
| 0:43.0 | lasting and maybe we feel like that person is either a little bit out of reach or we feel like |
| 0:49.8 | we're not entirely sure of how they feel about us and we find ourselves investing more and more in them |
| 0:56.7 | to try to secure the relationship. In the process what happens is |
| 1:02.2 | the things that are important in our life right now whether it's our friends our family our hobbies the things that |
| 1:10.2 | give us a sense of |
| 1:12.8 | value and identity in our lives those things start to fade into the background as we make this person the |
| 1:21.0 | focus of all of our attention. Why do we do this? |
| 1:24.0 | When we really want to find love and we suddenly meet someone who seems to epitomize everything we've been looking for we've |
| 1:36.3 | decided based on this person's qualities characteristics what they look like how they act that this is the love we've been looking for all of a |
| 1:45.3 | sudden it feels like there is nothing more important in the world than |
| 1:49.1 | then securing this thing and we do the one thing in this moment that is the opposite of what we should be doing we should be |
| 1:58.1 | grounding ourselves in the things that are important in our own life connecting to these things that give us a sense of |
| 2:06.5 | worth outside of a person and yet we lose connection with all of those things and we get drawn into the gravitational |
| 2:13.4 | pull of how do I please this person how do I make this person mine how do I make them want me that |
| 2:20.0 | instinct to try harder when we want to get someone is |
| 2:24.8 | actually an instinct that works against us because someone doesn't become more attracted to us or want us more simply because |
| 2:32.0 | we're trying harder when they feel as trying harder and for some people it makes them kind of pull away a bit or it makes them feel like |
... |
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