I'm I'm I want to tell you about a book I discovered recently that has nothing to do with dating, but has changed how I think about dating in five key ways.

Some of these ways are upsetting, but kind of in the best way.

Others are controversial, so they're going to have to come with a giant disclaimer.

But all of them are fascinating, and I suspect will radically change the way you date moving forward.

The book I am talking about today is The Courage to be disliked by

Ichiro Kashimi and Fumitake Koga. This is a book between a young person and a wise older

philosopher who is trying to teach the young person the methods and the theories of Alfred Adler,

the psychologist,

who was around during Freud's time and Jung's time,

but had wildly different opinions, in some cases,

diametrically opposed opinions to Freud.

And this is where so much of the controversy comes in,

because the first big thing from this book

that struck me was this idea that your trauma does not shape your life. Your goals do. In fact,

the book goes as far as to say that trauma doesn't exist. Now again, I want to repeat this very clearly so that you

understand my position on this. I believe that trauma is real, very real, that it exists,

that it absolutely has a profound effect on people's lives. But where I find Adler's stance

helpful is in my own life looking at

where has my trauma become a way to avoid something that would actually make my life

better if I had the courage to approach it. And you might ask the same question in your

own life. If you've come out of an abusive or narcissistic relationship, for example, you can look

backwards at all of the ways that that has shaped your ability to trust other people. But what you can

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