(Matt Monday): Give Me 10 Minutes...I’ll Save You 10 Years Wasted on the WRONG Person
Love Life with Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey
4.8 • 2.9K Ratings
🗓️ 14 July 2025
⏱️ 11 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Are you stuck obsessing over someone who’s wrong for you? In this week’s epsiode, I dive into the concept of limerence—the unhealthy fixation on someone who doesn’t return your feelings—and how it can keep you chasing as your confidence falls lower and lower.
I’ll show you how to recognize the signs of limerence, why it thrives on hope and uncertainty, and what you can do to break free and get your power back. If you’ve ever felt trapped in this emotional loop, this is your way out!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | In the next few minutes, I want to help you avoid wasting precious years of your life, |
| 0:11.0 | thinking about, obsessing about, and pining after someone who is wrong for you. |
| 0:17.0 | And I'm going to do it by talking about a concept that so many of you have been |
| 0:21.6 | asking me to talk about for literally years. And that concept is Limerance. This is the original |
| 0:31.6 | O.G. book on Limerance by Dorothy Tenov, Love and Limerance. I have been digging into this book on your behalf |
| 0:39.0 | so that we can talk about it today |
| 0:40.7 | in relation to someone you may be thinking about right now. So let's start with what limerence actually is. |
| 1:08.2 | Limerance is the obsessive desire to have someone who we have fallen for love us back. |
| 1:19.6 | It is the relentless obsessing over this person, the desire to be with them, to own them, |
| 1:25.6 | to have them yesterday, today, and for all of time. |
| 1:30.3 | It is the hope that this person is thinking about us in the ways that we are thinking about them |
| 1:36.3 | and the inability to stop thinking about them in every moment we have available |
| 1:42.3 | and even in the moments we do not have available. |
| 1:45.1 | When we are at work, when we are supposed to be spending time with other people, |
| 1:49.3 | when we are supposed to be doing important things that move our life forward and we cannot |
| 1:53.4 | focus. |
| 1:54.3 | All we can do is think about and fantasize and dream about this person and what could be with them if they felt the same way about us. |
| 2:04.6 | Now, what is needed for limerence to take place? |
| 2:07.6 | How do we become limerent about a person? |
| 2:10.6 | We have to have two elements, hope and uncertainty. |
| 2:14.6 | So what tends to happen in limerence is it's perpetuated by this hope that we're reading signs |
| 2:22.0 | from this person that they're interested in us, the uncertainty of not knowing for sure |
... |
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