(Matt Monday): Are They Pulling Away or Are You Just Anxious? 5 Ways to Know

Love Life with Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 2.9K Ratings

🗓️ 27 February 2023

⏱️ 13 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Listening to our gut when something’s off can save us a lot of time and stress when we’re dating . . . but what if we can’t tell the difference between when our gut is warning us and when our anxiety is trying to sabotage us? What if the red flags we think we’re seeing are actually our fears in disguise?

If you have a tendency toward anxiety, this second-guessing can make the early days of dating extra stressful, because you may have a hard time separating an important concern from your ever-vigilant anxiety.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it me or is it them?” you can’t miss today’s episode, in which I share five ways to tell if it’s a major concern or your anxiety talking.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	This gaslighting that's happened in their past that means that they've lost trust in their own emotions today
0:05.8	I don't know whether what I'm feeling is valid anymore
0:09.7	Last week I did a live event called dating with results. We had 13,000 people show up live to this event
0:38.0	That is a small arena, it was crazy and amazing and so many people gave such beautiful feedback
0:47.3	And there was one particular point that I made that really struck a chord with people
0:52.4	Here's a simple way of looking at this
0:54.2	I need to value this person on their ability to make me happy
0:59.2	Which means not evaluating them based on how I feel about them
1:04.6	But evaluating their importance based on how they make me feel
1:10.3	I was talking about how we can get too invested in a person that we're attracted to, a person that we've had a few great dates with too quickly
1:19.7	Especially when that person isn't investing in us on the same level
1:24.8	And what I said was we have to start ranking this person's importance in our life differently to the way we are
1:33.1	Which means not ranking their importance based on how we feel about them
1:40.2	But instead on how they make us feel
1:43.8	In other words, if we think that they're hot and charismatic
1:47.0	And we just feel that they're so fun to be around and they're so attractive
1:51.0	They're so interesting
1:52.3	That's all about how we feel about them
1:54.7	But that has nothing to do with how they make us feel
1:57.2	How they make us feel is how we feel by having that person in our life or our consciousness on a Tuesday at 2pm
2:06.8	Does this person make me feel anxious?
2:08.6	Does this person make me feel unsure of myself?
	...

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