If we keep our options open without the coming fixated on a person before that person has really earned it,

we're never going to be resentful that someone has wasted our time.

So I recently had someone ask me, how do you tell the difference between someone who is avoidant

and is never going to want a relationship and someone who is just taking things slow with you?

She described the last couple of situations she had where she met guys in the beginning,

they stated that they were interested in finding a relationship,

but then two months later, after she'd already become emotionally invested,

they suddenly had a turnaround and said, actually, I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship,

or my life isn't logistically in a place where I can have a relationship.

What she was asking is, is there a way to figure out sooner whether someone is just avoidant

without wasting my time and getting emotionally invested in the process?

To her and to you, if you relate to this, I have three principles that conserve you in not wasting your time.

The first principle is that not everyone who says they're looking for a relationship is saying the same thing.

It's a bit like people who say they're looking to move when they want to move house.

When some people say that, they mean we need to move in the next month.

And when they go to a real estate agent, they are on the hunt for their next house.

There are other people who say we're looking to move, who mean in the next few years.

And for that person, real estate agents know, they can be a giant waste of time.

Because that person, you keep sending listings.

I'm talking like I'm a real estate agent, but I feel, you know, I understand

for the people in that position, you keep sending listings to someone.

And you don't know if they're really serious or not.

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