you don't know me

a confession I can't take back

I am

the masked speaker

text the 78592 says

I can't remember if my sister's birthday is on the 6th or the 8th of August

she doesn't have a Facebook and I'm too ashamed to ask anyone in the family. So lately, I get around it by just saying, hey, it's your birthday week. Yay. Dude, you're going to be screwed when that's Saturday through Monday. Yeah. I have a similar issue where three of my family members all have March birthdays, and, wow. And I can never remember which one is which.

Dude, I feel you.

My dad, I don't know if it's 19 or 20. I don't know my dad either. My best friends are like within two days in April. And I'm like, happy birthday. Everybody. Are we going to talk to the mass speaker? Should we just go over birthday? Yeah, let's just go over what terrible family members we all are.

No, but we do have a woman on the phone who's ready to confess her secret.

She's chosen Jamie as her fake name. Jamie, welcome to the show and just in case, happy early birthday to you. Or late. Thank you. You're actually correct. Good. I'm glad that we got that out of the way.

We're good. And now the voice changer is on. You are the mass speaker. So whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession. Okay. So this might not be a good idea to be admitting this because I have such a great situation. Okay. What's going on? That's a good start. I just say for us anyway. Yes. I work at an insurance company, and it's like one of the really big ones, like really big ones.

Okay.

There's thousands of employees, and I was hired about eight, nine months ago, and I have literally done zero work the entire time.

What?

Huh?

What do you mean?

Like, so no one trained you?

No one taught you what to do?

So I was hired as an operations assistant.

Uh-huh.

And in the job interview, they told me that I'd be coordinating schedules between departments

...