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You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Text to 78592 says,

I'm thinking of dumping my girlfriend because she murdered my friend Dwayne.

What the heck is going on?

Please tell me Dwayne isn't a person.

Dwayne was a spider who lived in the corner of my bedroom window.

His web was perfectly positioned to catch any flies trying to come into the house.

She sprayed him with bug spray while I was out.

I'm so sorry, Dwayne. I'm with him. Yeah, free him outside. Yes. R-I-P to Dwayne the spider, gone too soon. Unless somehow the bug spray turned him into like a super spider and he's marvels knew a superhero. Wait a minute, would that turn him human? In the Marvel universe, that would be... Dway such a superhero name. It's human man. But at least Dwayne's memory will live on in the giant web of secrets that we have here on the mass speaker. And another listener is ready to add to our growing web with a confession of her own. She's chosen Nicole is her fake name. So Nicole, welcome to the show.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. How are you guys? God. Not eight-limbed, which is too bad. Yeah. We're feeling a little heartbroken over the news about Dwayne, but maybe you can cheer us up because the voice changer is on. You are the mass speaker. Whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession. All right. So one of my first jobs, I was a waitress at a very popular diner.

Okay. I used to work at one too. Yeah, but good on you on getting a waitress job is one of your first jobs. Usually you have to, like, host for a long time. Or clean dishes. Boss, work your way up. Thank you. So on my first day, they asked me to help out in the kitchen and help chop some mushrooms for a soup.

Oh, wow.

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