You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Got a text to 78592 that says,

My kids swear they hate the off-brand knockoff cereals from the store.

Yeah.

Little do they know they've secretly been eating

marshmallow magic and fruity orbits for years

while I swapped the bags out into the mainstream

package.

Evil!

Why does this box look so old, Mom?

Why are the marshmallows up the same shape as the commercials?

You know, a lot of other morning shows will tell you,

don't lie to your kids. Yeah. Not us. Not us. We get it. Lie to those little suckers. As long as you're honest with us on this segment, the mass speaker, then all will be forgiven. You don't know those brats anything. And one of our listeners wants to come clean about something in her life.

Tina is the fake name that she's chosen for herself today.

Tina, welcome to the show.

Hi, thank you for having me.

You sound happy.

I always like that because it means he's got something juicy to tell us.

If you've been dying to tell someone.

...