You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Text the 78592 says, I know it's petty, but the way my husband holds a fajita absolutely turns me off.

What?

What do you mean?

He cups the bottom, folds it all into a little tortilla ball, then shoves it into his mouth. It's not a dumpling. You don't see it on the top. I can't even look at him when he has one anymore. Oh, yeah. I don't blame her. That is an ick. I don't know. Any type of cupping action sounds pretty good to me. But, hey, listen, I get it. Everybody needs a safe space where they can vent how they truly feel without offending the people they love for some weird reason. And we'll let you do that anonymously here on the mass speaker. We've got a guy ready to confess the ugly truth about his life. He's chosen Derek as his alias. So, Derek,

welcome to the show. Hi, thanks for having me. Are you going to give us the ick, too, Darren?

I hope not. No? I'm kind of hoping that it grosses us out, but whatever it is, voice changes on.

You are the mass speaker. Whenever you're ready, we want to hear your confession.

All right.

So I've always been a little insecure in the gym.

Oh, it's so intimidating.

Yes, especially when you go to the weight area.

Yeah.

Yeah, everything about it just makes me a little bit uncomfortable.

So, you know, I never really knew what I was doing.

I would lift dumbbells randomly run on the treadmill until I got tired, which obviously didn't get the results that I wanted. Yeah. It helps, but you're right. Yeah, you're not like targeting anything. I wanted to sign up for one-on-one sessions with a personal trainer, but they're like ridiculously expensive. Yeah. You're also just paying to be in the presence of their hotness, too, in addition to the routine. Isn't that a benefit? Yeah, but that's why it's so expensive. It's not just a workout. It's a view. It's like a modeling contract. Yeah, so you got to really want it. Well, I wanted it, but I couldn't afford it. Yeah. Okay.

Checks out. So what'd you do instead? Well, instead, I started to, like, secretly follow the

trainers around the gym. And I would be eavesdropping, like, while they're giving one-on-one

guidance to the other club. Genius. Just pop up in between their legs while they're, like, lifting something like, that how you do it Okay Well yeah I I would sit down at the machine that was next to them and I would just listen right And then I would write down their screen and my note tap on my phone so that I wouldn't forget it Okay All right I like. I like it. I think that's better.

...