You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Got a text to 78592 that says, I once booked a cruise with my girlfriend, but she dumped me a week before.

Oh, man.

So I stole her ID and had my best friend buy a wig and a dress to go on the boat with me. Literally, best trip ever. Oh, that does sound awesome. I hope he kept the wig on the whole time. I hope the romance was as good as I expect. I don't know. I was like, how much are they going to commit to this ruse for this vacation? They're getting in couples fights. Honey, no. If you have some secret info you'd like the world to know, you can spread the word right here on the mass speaker, and one of our listeners is ready to take off his wig of lies and expose the truth. He's chosen William as his fake name. William, welcome to the show. Hey there. Hey, Will. How are you doing? Or Bill? I mean, it's a fake name. I guess we could go with anything.

Yeah. Hey, it is not my real name.

Okay. Well, voice changer is on. You're now the mass speaker. Whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession.

Okay, so I started dating a new woman several months back and she's really

wonderful. We've got a great rapport. Oh, that's nice. Awesome, bro. Yeah, I'm like, I'm really falling.

The only problem is she was disappointed when she met my dog. What do you mean? Oh, what?

I hate her.

Not a very good looking dog.

How could you be disappointed by a dog?

Because she is a beautiful dog.

Everyone wants to get close to her, but they didn't bond right away.

Oh.

You know, I have a rescue who hates strangers, like just scared of everyone, and people are so disappointed when they can't pet her. I know. She's so petable looking, you know. I remember the first time I met your dog, I'm like, come here, Tula. Come here, and she ran away. She's excited, but she's not excited to, like, meet people. Did you explain to her what was going on? Yeah, and it was kind of similar to what you were just saying. Like, it was just avoidance. It wasn't growling or... Right. Yeah, nothing like aggressive. Yeah, she'd come over and sit down on the couch next to her, and then Maggie would get up and go to the other side of the road.

The ultimate insult.

Like when you bring a cat into bed with you and then it gets up immediately.

But I just transported you over here.

...