You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Got a text to 78592 that says,

I bought a scratch lotto ticket to show my seven-year-old son

there a rip-off and you never win.

Oh, yeah.

One hundred bucks. What? Now he's obsessed and asked me to buy one every day after school. Please, Daddy, I want to go to college. What else can you teach your son a lesson about? See, this is why you never put your entire life savings on red at the roulette table, son. Oh, yeah, this is why. Oh, we're a winner. But today we have a guy who wants to open up and come clean about something from his life. He's chosen to go by Ray today. So, Ray, welcome the show. Hey, thanks for having me. You're welcome, Ray. We're glad you're here. How are you feeling? I'm feeling pretty good. You know, another beautiful day on planet Earth. It doesn't sound like much is weighing you down. I don't know why haven't you mask your voice. But we are masking it. Voice Changer is on. Whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession. So I'm married. I've been married about six, seven years now. I used to say congrats, but I don't do that anymore. It's a real crapshoot, remember? Like, sometimes people are like, I hate my wife. They're divorced. Yeah, totally. He's like, anyway, so I killed her. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, well, none of that yet anyway. Oh, boy. Okay. What's going on?

So I come home from work one day.

It's basically a normal day.

I open the door.

Yeah.

My wife, I mean like a dog who hears their owner coming home with treats.

She is on top of me immediately, which is not usual.

Like romantically on top of you?

Yeah. You know, like his dog does.

Yeah.

Oh.

She's in heat.

She's really happy to see you when you got home that day.

Yeah, exactly. So she gives me this huge hug, and she's in this incredible mood,

...