You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Got a text in to 78592 that says,

Some mornings when I drive to work, I buckle a banana into the passenger seat,

so I have a friend to ride with.

I'll even draw a face on him, and he's always smiling.

I'm glad you're so safe with your friendships.

I have a secret banana friend that I like to use sometimes, too.

But he is never strapped.

I will let you know.

Not the time or the place.

Anyway, if you have a secret fruit in your life that you just want to peel once and for all, you can do it right here on the mass speaker. One of our listeners, she's chosen the fake name, Lily, for herself. So Lily, welcome to the show. I hope you did not take her fruit secret from her. Lily. Hi, guys. Hey, Lily. You nervous?

A little bit.

We're used to that here, but the voice changer is on.

You are the mass speaker now, so whenever you're ready, go full banana on us, okay?

Okay.

So I'm in my late 30s right now.

Back when I was in high school, I met the most incredible guy. He was one grade above me.

He was insanely handsome. I didn't have many friends at the time, so he just made me feel so loved.

You know, I was only 17 at the time, so I don't really know if I knew what true love was,

...