You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

You've heard the expression, penny for your thoughts.

But in radio, a penny's way out of our budget.

So we're hoping our listeners are willing to do this for free. Oh, please. Or maybe we could just send them a radio station sticker. Oh, yeah. There we go. We have some sort of swag in the closet that we can send up. We don't do a free t-shirt we can give them? No, no, those are too expensive. Way too expensive. Maybe a key change. All right. If someone's on the line ready to get something off their chest, he's chosen to go by the alias Doug.

Hello, Doug.

Welcome to the show.

Hey, thanks.

Okay, Doug.

You don't sound like a...

Well, you don't sound like a human.

Doug, you are today's mass speaker.

Your phone line is currently being run through the voice changer.

So whenever you're ready, hit us with your confession.

All right.

Oh, man.

It's okay, Doug.

Deep breaths.

Yeah.

So a few months ago, man, I probably should have been fired for this.

...