That is fake audience noise.

Did you hear that?

Oh my god, you have to leave that in.

That's very funny.

Did you hear that?

That's not just me.

All right, happy Monday, everybody.

As you know, there's a ton of snow dumped in New York City.

Our studio audience, I'm not kidding, hasn't been this empty since we asked

Brian Kill Me to guest host. In fact, the snow is so deep that Fox is now insisting

that Dana Perino wear a cowbell. Thank you, Johnny. Meanwhile, this historic blizzard is causing

all sorts of problems. The wind is so bad that earlier today I actually saw the Statue of Liberty's underwear. That's a really stupid joke. But visibility was so poor that Doug Emhoff wound up in bed with Kamala.

And the snow piled up so high that it actually reached Michelle Obama's

Adams apple.

The snowfall is so dense.

In New York's mayor, Zohran Mamdami,

grounded all aircraft that was scheduled to fly into buildings.

Thank you.

And officials predict that it could take up to three days to dig out, Jerry Nadler.

In all seriousness, Mayor Mamdami actually gave New York City kids an old-fashioned snow day.

But don't worry, teachers have agreed to meet their students at home for sex.

Sorry, you clapped, right?

...