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Our species has, of course, a psycho-biiological imperative to bond.

That's what allowed our species to thrive.

And our need to connect with each other

for emotion co-regulation so that we can down modulate our nervous

system and our limbic structures and requires that we be able to disclose how we feel to other human beings and through the magic

of emotional mirroring and empathy and just having somebody who can look at us and

somewhat mirror our emotional state or affect states, limbic system,

our nervous system, our nervous system sinks with theirs and then we become increasingly calm.

The ability to bond with others, how we go about it, the success of our bonding,

whether we feel confident in being accepted and loved by others are appreciated is largely

established unfortunately. unfortunately in the first two years of life. I say unfortunately because it means that a lot of the attachment, the most important influential events of our life that in many ways determine

how well we can trust other human beings and who we seek the process is set

at periods of our life before we develop explicit memories.

In other words, our emotional right hemisphere,

which is shaped largely in the first four years of life, the bulk of its connections, which set our expectations of others, happen at a time we can't remember.

And also in our adult life it's exceedingly difficult to address these underlying emotional beliefs.

So 50% of us grow up in secure attachment styles. We're confident as babies to explore when in the

strange test when a mother or father brings the infant into a room with a stranger and then the caregiver slowly leaves the room,

the child will first cry, but then very quickly will become interested in the stranger, will bond,

...